Second Draft
Manasai Dance
One of the famous dance from Central Kalimantan is Manasai dance. Manasai dance is a dance that represent happiness to other people. This dance usually use for welcome the visitor or tourist are visiting Central Kalimantan. Not only just for welcome the tourists, we can see this dance in dayak etnis wedding. Manasai dance very popular in Central Kalimantan, because all ages and all genders can do and join this dance. Manasai dancer wear a scarf on their bodies. It make them look so beautiful. It very easy to do Manasai dance, what should you do just make a circle and face into it, turn around into right, while move forward opposite clockwise. Then face out from circle, turn around into left, while move forward. Do that all until the Manasai dance ends. In conclude, Manasai dance very easy to do and everyone can do it, so that makes it very famous in Central Kalimantan.
Represent : it has close meaning with describe or show.
welcome : accept someone from a place.
1. - Topic sentence is Correctly, supporting sentence there are not correct, concluding sentence is Correctly.
BalasHapus- It is topic sentence already contained Controlling idea.
- Topic related to the topic sentence.
- Controlling the idea into a specific topic in the topic sentence.
2. - supporting sentence of unrelated sentences. should you create a supporting sentence, why dance is a dance manasai famous in Central Kalimantan. According to the topic sentence.
- Supporting sentences already have an example
3. Concluding sentence already concluded a topic sentence and it is sub topic so that it becomes a conclusion.
4. Paragraph yet unity and coherence because there is still a mistake in supporting his sentence. you must create a supporting sentence related to the topic sentence many more followed with a minor.
Thank you and good job.
1.For the topic sentence is good enough . you already use topic and controlling idea in your topic sentence.
BalasHapus2.For the supporting sentence is not clearly. You should follow the instruction in supporting sentence must be used example in each supporting sentence. Like “ for example, This dance usually use for welcome the visitor or tourist are visiting Central Kalimantan”.
3.For the concluding, is clearly. You already summarizing the main point in different sentence.
4.For the coherence paragraph, I think not clearly, there is no transition signals. Used it please. In my suggestion like this “first, Manasai dance is a dance that represent happiness to other people”. And the other sentence you can see in” introduction to academic writing book” in 45 page. Thank you raju, sorry if I have been mistake in my comments.
when I red I get something wrong in your text.
BalasHapus1. first for the topic sentence : actually you must give somthing interest when the reader read, for example " the amazing dance" or the "nice dance" or another something. do controling idea more specific.
2. make manasai meaningfull or give the philosophy of the daance.
3. concluding setence is not conlude and there is nothing summery and nothing your statement. give all of it.
4. use transitional signal and order signal exactly position. do well raju, thankz.